I wrote Walking in the Dark because I have been dealing with grief since last summer. Most of you know that I lost my sister almost a year ago. It has been the hardest thing that I have ever had to deal with. Grief is something I never understood until July 19th of 2013. I never realized what others who have lost a loved one were going through. As I struggle with my loss I wonder if others are where I am at in my journey through grief. I wondered if others felt like they were walking in the dark. The dark to me represents my grief but it could be depression or other hurts as well. The glimmers of lights are my friends who help me everyday see that it will get better even though I am walking in the dark I have them. When I was feeling all alone a friend came along and said I am here for you. The light hole is my husband. He will never leave me and he is not trying to get me out. He knows I have to walk through the dark and get out of the dark on my own. I know that I will not feel whole again because my sister was part of my heart. That part of my heart left me when she left. My hope is that one day I will walk in the light. Everyday I try to see the light that my husband and friends are showing me. I am posting this not to be all gloomy but it is a reminder to myself that everyday is a new day, a new day to try.
Walking in the Dark
I have been walking in the dark for almost a year now. It seems to surround me everywhere I go. I have seen glimmers of light but not enough to get me out of the dark.
I feel my way to get from one place to another but never quite know if I am where I should be. My emotions are controlled by the dark. They bounce from thinking I am happy to crying uncontrollably. I become angry with the dark and it seems to laugh at me. I feel heavy from the dark it seems to weigh me down. My life in the dark is very predictable. I go day by day through the motions. I have begun to think I will never get out, that this is my life now in the dark.
I have seen glimmers of light. Those glimmers try to pull me out. Some are stronger than others and at those times I feel like I am almost out and then I get sucked back in. Once back in another one comes trying and trying to pull me out but it doesn’t work. Some are not even glimmers they are small light holes that never leave me. That light hole stays by my side to make sure I don’t lose my hope to get out. It stays to remind me that there is light. I am hoping that the glimmers never stop coming in to try to save me. I hope the glimmers realize I need them to keep reminding me that there is light and with the glimmer’s help I can reach the light myself.
Categories: Rants and Raves